Saturday, February 28, 2009

CNN's Hard Hitting Expose

On Michelle Obama's arms. It's the kind of relentless, follow every lead, turn over every rock, let the chips fall where they may, no holds barred, speaking truth to power investigation that we've come to expect from CNN.

I can just see the editorial conference now, the scene, news editor's office, CNN Washington Bureau:

Seated at a desk in a cluttered office, the hard bitten, longtime dean of the Washington newsroom and chief editor, Lefty O'Blather., Entering, rising reporting star, Red Lickspittle.

Red: What's up boss?

Lefty: Kid, I hear you've been working on a story. Gotta lotta people up in arms.

Red: It's huge, boss! Goes straight tot the White House! Straight to the First Lady! I've been developing leads and working on this for months!

Lefty: What's the angle?

Red (closing the door): Can't be too careful. Nobody wants to go on record. Lotta my sources are scared – said that if the leak could be traced back to them, they'd get a visit from “Mr. Smoothie”.

Its'... It's....

Lefty: Out with it boy!

Red: “The First Lady -- She may be watching what she eats!!!”

Lefty: Holy Mackerel!

Red: There's more.. rumors... unsubstantiated at this point, but she may even exercise!

Lefty (gets a bottle of Wild Turkey out of his desk, shakily pours out 4 fingers into a dirty coffee mug, and downs with a single gulp) This will make Watergate look like a Church Social. Not one of Jerimiah Wright's church socials, but you know what I mean. Scandal. Impeachment. Chaos. The end of civilization, as the Obama administration collapses under Pilates-gate. Better make sure that you dot all of the t's and cross all of the i's on this one kid. They're going to come after you.

Red: Do you think I should ask for Brad Pitt or George Clooney to play my part when this is made into a move?