Thursday, January 01, 2009

2008 Mixed Nut of the Year

Last year, the coveted 2007 Mixed Nut of the Year trophy went to the Rt. Rev. “Tiny” Muskens, over such notable contenders as Adam “Pac Man” Jones, Hector “Big Weasel” Marroquin, and other notables.

Lots of contenders for 2008:

  1. “Judge” Roy Pearson, for keeping his ridiculous $54 million lawsuit going over a dry cleaning mishap.

  2. Grace Seanz-Lopez, small town mayor and dog napper.

  3. The Akron trio of Taja Frieson, Prince Bain, and Gerard Simpson, most notable for breaking into a liquor store, and then carrying the booty home. Through the snow. It's good to see fresh local talent breaking onto the scene.

  4. Priya Venkatesan, Ph.D., an academic bully that could dish it out, but couldn't take it.

  5. Alan Fram & Eileen Putman, professional hysterics from the AP.

  6. Naomi Wolfe, who believes that the Evil Right Wing Conspiracy was intercepting her daughter's letters from camp.

  7. Rochelle Riley, who's Bush Derangement Syndrome extends to a desire for impeachment - 55 days before GWB leaves office in January.

  8. Wilson Bradshaw, Ph.D., Censor-in-Chief at Florida Gulf Coast University.

  9. Tara Garnett, Wannabe Food Commisar and Global Warming Hysteric.

  10. Alcee Hastings, bigoted drivel

  11. John Edwards, Former Presidential Candidate of the Hypocrisy Party.

Based on a secret vote by the Judges, the 2008 Mixed Nut of the Year award, with all of the rights and priveleges pertaining thereunto, goes to:

John Edwards. He took his Mixed Nut game to an entirely new level in 2008, living in a house the size of a small county while making a mint from anti-poverty speeches. His greatest achievement, however, was running a presidential campaign trading entirely on his faithfulness to the wishes of his cancer striken wife, all the while engaging in some “ extracurricular” activities with one Rielle Hunter.

Congratulations to Mr. Edwards on his achievement as Mixed Nut of 2008. .