Monday, April 23, 2007

Mixed Nuts – Sheryl Crow

I may have to retire this award. Ms. Crow’s certainly has a Hall of Fame Entry, from the BBC:

“Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.

Crow has suggested using ‘only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required’.”

It’s time for someone in the Great Left Wing Global Warming Conspiracy to quietly take Sheryl aside and say something like:

“Sheryl, Honey, I know that you mean well, and all that, but you’re really not helping here. Why not go back to working on your detachable dining sleeves for a bit? You know, if you made them out of organic cotton that you grew, harvested, ginned, and spun yourself – all by hand – you could really, really make a difference”.

Memo: If you are ever introduced to Sheryl Crow, DO NOT SHAKE HER HAND! If she’s not big on TP, she’s probably not big on soap, hot water, etc. either. Not a good combination.

Update: Never mind. Turns out that Sheryl’s advice is only for us “little people” (no doubt she prefers to think of us as the ‘great unwashed’). Take a look at this carbon footprint.

Update II: OBTW, who’s going to check to make sure that we only used one square? That we didn’t need more due to “pesky issues”? Al Gore? Or maybe we should just use our “dining sleeves”?

I can just hear it now:

Scene, Men’s room, truckstop.

Man: Hey! What’s this! I need more than this!

Sheryl: Why?

Man: I have Pesky Issues!

Sheryl: Please submit a sample of said pesky issues for analysis, and complete this triplicate for for requesting additional toilet paper. If your claim is deemed to have merit, one to two additional squares will be issued.”

Man: “How long will that take?”

Sheryl: “Two to three years. We have to charter a Gulfstream to take the samples to the CDC in Atlanta. However, if you are willing to go organic, we have an alternative.”

Man: “What’s the alternative?”

Sheryl: “Poison Ivy leaves”.